I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
