her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
