I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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