He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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