yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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