Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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