Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize