i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Redeem this text for a blowjob
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
