Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize