I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
