I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Quick, to the slutcave!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
