I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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