my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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