You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
