My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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