Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
