i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
