I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize