Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
