this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
