apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
