I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
