Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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