Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
