They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
