I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
