I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
