never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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