The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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