from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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