i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
