Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
