his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
