My nipple is on Facebook.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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