i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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