One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize