Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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