just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
