Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
