I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Text me some of your sweat
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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