I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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