I hope mine doesn't look like that
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
