She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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