i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
