he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize