thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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