My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
