I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
