I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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