I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
