i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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