He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
