did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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