You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize