I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
