He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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