I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
