Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
