You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
