Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize