I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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