WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
