You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
