we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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