So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
