I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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