when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
