I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
