were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
