Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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