my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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