it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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