when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
